Sunday, 14 June 2009

U2 can be a superstitious irrelevance

Recent reports of a commiseration of the first year’s disservice to the island by an unelected spook merchant (see for example could be a chance for us to snigger at Sentamu’s Apprentice yet again. Frankly, what’s the point when it’s like shooting fish in a barrel? Our politicians are too apathetic to stop the aforementioned spook merchant squatting in Legislative Council, and nobody literate or under 70 on the island seems to vote any more, so Paterson retains his privileges courtesy of a coalition of crooks, crusties and canting cretins.
Instead I’ll take aim at a bigger fish – the Archtwit of Cant.
I read in the Torygruff that:
'Christian services that feature DJs, songs of the Irish band U2 and prayers for the chief executives of Google and Wal-Mart are being promoted by the Church of England.'
Read the full report and weep with laughter at .
The Fresh Expressions initiative is apparently ‘spawning churches for surfers as well as commissioning priests to work in night clubs and skateboard parks.’
No, I think what they mean is churches sniff new public money being thrown away on fresh excuses for ‘community work’ spawned by panic stories in right wing rags.
But the book sounds hilarious.
For example:
‘A psalm is recited in "beat poetry" style to the accompaniment of African Djembe drums, and prayers are said "for the corporate world, for influential CEOs who oversee billion-dollar industries".’
This would be the same CEOs and industries the Archtwit keeps berating for a culture of greed – or was it just not answering begging letters from superstitious halfwits who want their subsidised, untaxed and pointless employment underwritten a while longer?
And also we are told that:
‘The prayers continue: "We pray for John Chambers of Cisco Systems, Bill Gates of Microsoft, Dr Eric Schmidt of Google Inc, H Lee Scott Jr of Wal-Mart Stores and others who have already made commitments to justice." ‘
The only commitment to justice a union-bashing, sweatshop-employing Walmart executive could make, in my humble view, would be to commit suicide. But that’s probably against his evangelical beliefs, so it’s not going to happen, is it?
I’m also amused to hear that amongst the ‘alternative services’ in a book co-edited by the Rt Rev Steven Croft, the new Bishop of Sheffield, are so-called ‘U2charists’. These are services in which the congregation gets the holy gutrot and biccies while singing U2 songs instead of traditional hymns.
If that doesn’t clear a church of young folk in seconds I’m not sure what will.
I also have a feeling all this ‘down wiv da kids’ stuff doesn’t go down well with all the Archtwit’s employees either.
For example, the Reverend David Houlding, prebendary at St Paul's Cathedral (where, incidentally, the predecessor to the current Bish of Sod 'n Man now skulks for a living) remarks:
"All this is tosh. It's just a passing fad, irrelevant, shallow and pointless…."
"There's no depth to it and it's embarrassing because it'll make people think that we're eccentric and silly."

No, David, we already knew that. This just proves you are.

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