I was busy elsewhere so can only now suggest treating a new outfit called Safe, Strong, Secure with some caution. I hope I am wrong about this, but want people to be safe and not sorry, hence the advice to look carefully before you consider running.
If you took the latest blurb (see http://www.iomtoday.co.im/news/isle-of-man-news/support-for-victims-of-domestic-abuse-1-5457625 ) at face value someone (obviously not a local) is trying to do something positive about the island's hidden domestic violence problem.
Actually, one major problem is that it is not hidden. In fact it is almost obligatory for any bloke who wants to fit into our sad little Manx macho subculture to boast about how he knocks ‘his’ womenfolk into line - at least if he wants to get on in business or the public sector.
It is one of the first things any visitor or new resident notices about this place. Even the most conservative women I know who have settled here from elsewhere still regularly remark what knuckledragging neanderthals Manx men can be.
So, if anyone was serious about naming, shaming and dragging the island into the same century as civilised countries we should all get behind that. And if this project really is, then fine.
Another problem is that the root of all this Manx misogyny is religious, and that because the religious right have discreetly infiltrated social projects – inevitably including all with government links or funding – then the problem is buried, not solved. I look at the list of possible allies and note Victim Support (hopelessly under the mucky thumb of Broadway Batwits, as is the Women's Refuge), Samaritans (prodnose godbotherers galore) and the Salvation Army (hardly friends of women or the gay community on their local track record). And the linked problem to that (as anyone who has tried to get to the roots of Manx misogyny discovers pretty quickly) is that - far from dealing with casual sexism, actual physical or psychological violence and the oppression of women and small kids in general - Manx churches breed and protect the worst culprits, and will pull any string they have to in government to make sure the victims go unheard and the perpetrators keep their safe little public and ‘third sector’ jobs.
And it gets worse, because when I spotted the original BBC article last year that sparked off the first meeting (see http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-isle-of-man-19948528 ) something else rang alarm bells. To be precise, the mention of a UK
For those who never check out these things, Restored (England & Wales charity number 1136774) is part of a 50 strong international Christian alliance, led by some heavyweight US rightist churches and in the UK partnered to Tearfund ( which is remarkable amongst British charities as possibly the only one requiring paid staff and volunteers to sign a pledge vowing to uphold homophobic and misogynist values).
Quoting from their own entry on the England & Wales Charity Register, the objectives of Restored are as follows (and do note the order of importance):
“1 TO ADVANCE THE CHRISTIAN RELIGION FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE PUBLIC BY SUCH EXCLUSIVELY CHARITABLE MEANS AS THE DIRECTORS SEE FIT FROM TIME TO TIME
2 TO PROMOTE HUMAN RIGHTS (AS SET OUT IN THE UNIVERSAL DECLARATION OF HUMAN RIGHTS AND SUBSEQUENT UNITED NATIONS CONVENTIONS AND DECLARATIONS) THROUGHOUT THE WORLD, SPECIFICALLY WITH A VIEW TO ENDING VAW AND TRANSFORMING RELATIONSHIPS, BY ALL OR ANY OF THE FOLLOWING MEANS:
* MONITORING ABUSES OF HUMAN RIGHTS
* RESEARCH INTO HUMAN RIGHTS ISSUES
* PROVIDING TECHNICAL ADVICE TO GOVERNMENT AND OTHERS ON HUMAN RIGHTS MATTERS
* CONTRIBUTING TO THE SOUND ADMINISTRATION OF HUMAN RIGHTS LAW
* COMMENTING ON PROPOSED HUMAN RIGHTS LEGISLATION
* RAISING AWARENESS OF HUMAN RIGHTS ISSUES
* PROMOTING PUBLIC SUPPORT FOR HUMAN RIGHTS
* PROMOTING RESPECT FOR HUMAN RIGHTS AMONG INDIVIDUALS AND CORPORATIONS
* INTERNATIONAL ADVOCACY OF HUMAN RIGHTS
* ELIMINATING INFRINGEMENTS OF HUMAN RIGHTS”
2 TO PROMOTE HUMAN RIGHTS (AS SET OUT IN THE UNIVERSAL DECLARATION OF HUMAN RIGHTS AND SUBSEQUENT UNITED NATIONS CONVENTIONS AND DECLARATIONS) THROUGHOUT THE WORLD, SPECIFICALLY WITH A VIEW TO ENDING VAW AND TRANSFORMING RELATIONSHIPS, BY ALL OR ANY OF THE FOLLOWING MEANS:
* MONITORING ABUSES OF HUMAN RIGHTS
* RESEARCH INTO HUMAN RIGHTS ISSUES
* PROVIDING TECHNICAL ADVICE TO GOVERNMENT AND OTHERS ON HUMAN RIGHTS MATTERS
* CONTRIBUTING TO THE SOUND ADMINISTRATION OF HUMAN RIGHTS LAW
* COMMENTING ON PROPOSED HUMAN RIGHTS LEGISLATION
* RAISING AWARENESS OF HUMAN RIGHTS ISSUES
* PROMOTING PUBLIC SUPPORT FOR HUMAN RIGHTS
* PROMOTING RESPECT FOR HUMAN RIGHTS AMONG INDIVIDUALS AND CORPORATIONS
* INTERNATIONAL ADVOCACY OF HUMAN RIGHTS
* ELIMINATING INFRINGEMENTS OF HUMAN RIGHTS”
I have to suggest that placing the care and safety of abused Manx women and kids into the hands of monsters with a long record of such abuse is a little like putting the Taliban in charge of girls education in Afghanistan
I hope I am wrong, and I hope that from somewhere within the sick and twisted belly of the Manx church beast some decent women have met up and said “Enough! We are going to put things right”.
I know some such women, so I hope; but I will not believe it until I see some hard evidence of change.
2 comments:
Hi Stuart,
Sorry you feel so sceptical! I'm one of the founders of "Safe, Strong, Secure" and it is genuine, and we are all IOM residents & all survivors of domestic abuse. Yes, some of us Manx born & bred, some not, but we do all live here,& we've all suffered abuse here (though some of us, me included, have also suffered from abuse when resident in other places) so I am not quite sure about your first comment about "someone, obviously not local"??? (scratching head)
We genuinely care about abuse & genuinely want to talk about it. We also genuinely want to help ANY one affected by abuse - male or female. It's great that you're a man (and presumably Manx??)who feels strongly about this and is happy to speak out about "Neanderthals". The organisations you mention we work alongside because we believe in working with & talking to anyone who will work with us. Yes, churches etc have abused or covered up abuse many times, but if churches are beginning to accept that was wrong, and change their attitudes & behaviours, and are willing to speak out, then I welcome that and encourage it, & I will work with them. Equally if I meet abuse or attitudes that condone abuse, then I will say so.
An IOM church offered to host 2 days of abuse awareness workshops last year and they held a service about abuse the following Sunday. Probably not everyone in the congregation approved of the graphic images and graphic subject matter, some may have been offended, but I was pleasantly shocked by how far things have moved if a church is willing to do that, if a minister will stand at the front and say "abuse is wrong", "abuse happens in the church" and to have images of victims up front near the altar in plain sight, no hiding or pretence. And I give them credit for that. Nothing will change in society if we don't give people (including churches!) the chance to change and if we don't welcome things like that when they happen.
Thanks for writing about us, even if you're not happy with the idea of what we're doing! I'm happy to talk to you any time, and am glad we (or the topic)provoked such strong feelings & thoughts in you.
Tam Wedgwood (Safe, Strong, Secure)
And one more good humoured correction: you said you hope
"some decent women have met up and said “Enough! We are going to put things right”. Just have to say they are not all women!! We have men taking this stand too, and yes, some of those men are in the church.
And while some of the women are from churches, many are not. Some of the people we are helping are women, some are men. This is not a about religion or gender or sexual orientation, it's about abuse being wrong.
Any form of bullying/verbal slurs/prejudice or exclusion is abuse, and that includes homphobia. As a charity we have said from the outset that we are here to support any victim of abuse, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion.... we are here to help PEOPLE. Womens Aid (Refuge) & many other groups, including Restored address violence against women. I "disagree" with them because I believe abuse is not a women's issue it is a human issue. I have argued with people at Restored & at Women's Aid on this one, but that does not mean we can't work together (: I listen to all views & take them on board but my opinions on abuse come from my experience of being abused, and so does my determination to say that abuse is wrong, & to do something for other "victims" (hate that word!)
Unfortunately most materials on abuse do see everything in terms of men's violence against women. I am struggling to find good support materials for men, or for LGBT, though I have found downloadable resources for teenagers in abusive relationships that includes materials for LGBT teens. The link for that is on our Facebook Page. In time we will find more, or will adapt materials so that they are not excluding any body.
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