Strictly
speaking, of course, we already do. For a start there's every Manx
schoolchild’s nightmare “field trip” to the God
World
theme park (or as Manx Heritage insists on calling it, Rushen Abbey).
There impressionable children are chased round a muddy field by the
strange folk from Scripture Union, who want them to consider how much
fun it would be to be a mediaeval monk. As any kid who watches
Horrible
Histories
knows already, the answer to that is 'Absolutely none'.
Apparently
SUMT get paid for this, which I've always found odd. It seems to me
if little children are keeping care-in-the-community candidates off
the streets it's the kids who should get paid for performing a public
service, not SUMT. An over-literal interpretation of the Bible might
well be an early sign of psychotic illness, but it doesn't excuse a
failure to look for a proper job.
Then
there are some of the Tourist Department's odd niche holiday breaks.
A
couple of years back, I'm told, they were offering discreet discounts
to off-island churches to organise Celtic Christian tours of the
island. I suspect they got the idea from a wily cleric who used to
strike deals with local travel agents for tours to various Christian
pilgrimage sites, both UK and much further abroad. In return for
rounding up a bus-load of punters, said cleric and Mrs Cleric got
more annual free holidays than he already racked up as fact-finding
missions to sunny climes for various government bodies on which
he......well, not so much served as turned up and collected benefits.
But
as there aren't actually any functioning island churches which date
back more than three centuries, and towns have changed so much since
even the 19th century that these are in semi-abandoned villages, the
Celtic Christian trail is a bit thin. The presumed sites of any
worship prior to that are windswept places in the middle of nowhere,
so in practice the tours consisted of dragging pious elderly types up
moors, through bogs and down slippy cliffs on wet days during Force 9
gales. I'd have thought the insurance alone would have made the price
too high for all but the most determined masochist.
And
talking of masochism....maybe we could clean up on another Manx
fetish - birching. I'm sure the UK S&M scene is over-run by
wealthy ex-public schoolies who would pay through the nose (possibly
even other orifices) for a spot of corporal punishment. At last, a
useful and valid economic role for all those sensibly shod ladies,
built like battleships, who marry diminutive Old Barrovian heirs to
Manx businesses then spend decades angrily polishing churches to
within an inch of their lives.
Or
again, for those who remember the chimp's tea parties that used to be
a feature at UK zoos, how about putting up public seating behind a
splatter-proof screen at the side of the dining area in large Manx
hotels which specialise in corporate affairs and political
receptions? Surely foreign visitors would pay to watch what happens
when one of our more excitable Rotarians or MHKs hears a polysyllable
uttered by a fellow free-loader?
So
many possibilities, so little creative thinking from the so-called
experts.
Is
it any wonder Manx tourism is dying?
No comments:
Post a Comment