Poe-faced Pillockry

This (see http://www.iomtoday.co.im/news/isle-of-man-news/unholy-row-as-former-lt-gov-targets-bishop-1-5609756  ) was a welcome relief from the Sefton Hotel row (see http://www.iomtoday.co.im/news/business/cannan-says-sefton-deal-is-ill-judged-and-fundamentally-unfair-1-5603786  for example) which dominates the Manx press but does not interest me in the slightest.

Two unwanted political presents from Westminster (at least one, thankfully, well past his sell-by date) taking a noisy pop at each other. You could not make this up.

A hissy catfight between two colonial relics over the future of the island’s campest High Gothic church. I’m only surprised that instead of the picture the local press used they didn’t just Photoshop the protagonists into Grant Wood’s ‘American Gothic’ painting.

Google it and you’ll soon see what I mean. Larry New would be a spit for the grump with the pitchfork.

Isle of Man Newspapers used only the bilge generated by both sides in this silly argument, and did no digging. This is a pity, as neither side wants us ‘heathens’ to really know what is going on.

To get to the root of it, just go to http://www.stmatthewsiom.org/ and note the prominent announcement that St. Matthew’s is “a Forward in Faith Parish under the Pastoral care of the Bishop of Beverley”. THAT is the root of the problem neither side will talk about in public. For some years now, this Anglican church has been unique on the island in having a special dispensation to, when it suits, take orders from another Bishop rather than any memsahib who might hold office under the island’s Bishop.

The thing is, the present Bishop of Sodor & Mann could be described as “conservative with a small c” .Think ‘Anglican Mainstream lite” – conservative but evangelical rather than high church, keeping the church status quo together, now willing to see women priests rather than look ridiculous in the eyes of the unchurched public but gays are still a step too far.

Forward in Faith, by comparison, are at best UKIP with a hint of Monster Raving Loony and probably far worse. Pouty, petulant, predominantly ex-public schoolboys who will take their ball home if the world won’t let them run things. For years they have been threatening to break away, initially to Rome (which doesn’t want them), then playing footsie under the table with the Russian Orthodox churches. Basically, anything it takes to let a bunch of silly boys carry on flouncing around in nice frocks, ringing bells, and chucking incense about.

Oh, and they really don’t like homosexuality either, these beardy wierdies. Oh no, not one bit! Hate them more than women, the working class, believers in other faiths (don’t even go there on Jews or Muslims….) and commie subversives.

Two bishops back, the Manx FIF crew were tight with Anglican management. Nothing open, but the power behind the throne while the occupant was a permanently half-cut chum of Prince Philip (amicable enough though - as long you kept real life out of the conversation). He was replaced by an urbane careerist to whom nothing stuck – a real Teflon man – and who saw at once that these rabid smell and bell merchants would get him nowhere fast, so he quietly ditched them and got somewhere fast.

St. Paul’s actually, just in time for the Occupation. Whoops!

At this point the Manx diocese was really falling apart – losing worshippers faster than any in the British Isles in fact - so no surprise that John Sentamu saw to it that the next area manager was a lad who would knock heads together and stop the rot. Which, to be fair, he has done. The process is inevitably painful for churchgoers as hard economic decisions are taken, but most factions in his church seem to accept Paterson is trying to keep things together and even, in the long term, give some room for various models of (cost-efficient) worship to develop.

Except for half a dozen or so deranged FIF fanatics who cannot cope with democracy, the 21^st century, or the world in general because they have never had to deal with such distractions.

It is tempting to suggest the Bishop should just let them go, then consider what use would the building be when they have to sell up in the near future?

Sadly too few Manx Goths to finance a potentially amazing nightclub with a unique William Morris picture window. Perhaps some sort of S & M establishment to fuel the darker night-time urges of finance sector sickos? Real shame if it became yet another carpet warehouse.

More seriously, considering the government attempts to regenerate the quayside as an upmarket ‘development’, the particular history of some complainants with dodgy financiers and property developers (and that the only way to balance the diocesan books could be the sale of ‘surplus to requirement’ buildings) maybe the future sale of the church is all anyone is arguing about.

Now maybe that is the real story we are missing…..

No steps forward, two steps sideways

I found this (see http://www.isleofman.com/News/details/52042/disarray-over-gay-bishops-embarrassing- ) quite amusing, as much for the detail left out as for the admission of failure thrown in.

As is not explained by Manx Radio or the Bishop, but I’ve mentioned before (after the UK’s religious press picked up on a prominent C of E press release and effectively asked me ‘Who the hell is this Paterson bloke and why does the C of E trust him to solve the ‘gay question’?”) the “small group” he chaired was a committee of fellow bishops charged by Anglican ‘management’ with finding a way out of the whole mess. In fact, so high profile was it that there were even talks about talks about who should choose such a committee. It was also stacked in favour of the homophobic minority to stop them whining…and yet even their hand-picked golden boys couldn’t manage a hateful enough ‘compromise’. Just how lip-poutingly pathetic can this bunch get?

Oh, and I wouldn’t take that letter to Sentamu as any kind of rebellious gesture either. As regular readers will already know, but newcomers might not, previous to his current post Robert Paterson was personal chaplain and assistant to John Sentamu. The committee of five which selected him as Bishop of Sodor & Mann was (quite coincidentally we must be sure) chaired by John Sentamu, otherwise comprised two brain-dead Manx politicians and two Anglican stooges, and it didn’t consider any other candidates.

But is all this ill will towards gay men the true Christian view?

Well, one suggestion that it is not can be found on Ekklesia (see http://www.ekklesia.co.uk/node/17737) and is written by the excellent Symon Hill, a fellow anti-militarist (indeed leading light in Campaign Against the Arms Trade) and all round nice guy. I recommend you read it, if only to remind yourself that not all Christians foam at the mouth.

Anglican Mainstream or Anglican Millwall?

If you need evidence that ordinary Christians aren’t as dim or bigoted as that faith’s most belligerent ‘spokesmen’, try this. Advance ticket sales for Greenbelt have gone up 15%, and the surge came after Anglican Mainstream urged people to boycott it for being too gay-friendly.
For those unfamiliar with the factions within Anglicanism, Greenbelt is a sort of Christian Glastonbury – or maybe think WOMAD with prayers thrown in. Anglican Mainstream is, frankly, a ragbag collection of swivel-eyed Christofascist throwbacks who’d like to lead that church, led by failed candidates for senior church positions (with dodgy far right friends) and former senior clerics who had to be chosen by politicians, as even their own peers don’t take them seriously. Far from being the ‘mainstream’ of the Anglican family they’re more like the mad relatives no-one talks about who you’d find locked in an attic in some Victorian melodrama.
Last year ‘AM’ kicked off because Greenbelt invited Gene Robinson, the openly gay Bishop of New Hampshire, as a speaker in a workshop event. This year Peter Tatchell is speaking, which has made them even more annoyed.
You can find a report from Ekklesia, the ever reasonable voice of Christianity, at http://www.ekklesia.co.uk/node/12138 .
But if you want a cheap laugh at the expense of some sad-acts with delusions of sanity (and, some days, we need one), just have a giggle at http://www.anglican-mainstream.net/2010/05/06/call-to-boycott-greenbelt-over-tatchell-invitation/ .

Anglican space-waster fails humanity, again

Ekklesia (see sidebar and http://www.ekklesia.co.uk/node/10601), reports that the Archbishop of York, who grew up in rural Uganda, has copped out again on a human rights issue, namely proposed legislation in Uganda to introduce the death penalty for certain consensual homosexual acts.
So, business as usual from the clown who taught our own faith-based parasite his trade.
Given even half a chance to prat about for TV cameras in empty ‘protest’ about a pointless issue and the bastard’s in like a rat up a drainpipe. But ask him to condemn his home country’s faith-based fascism – an increasingly sick spectacle in which his church is involved up to the neck – and this useless parasite is so on the fence his backside must be full of splinters.
The Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement (LGCM) was hoping both Sentamu and the other British Archtwit, Rowan Williams, would speak out “unequivocally” against the proposed laws. Apparently, an official apologist for Sentamu told them that Archbishop Sentamu “will not be making a statement on this issue”. Williams hasn’t replied either, so that’s two abject failures for human beings acting true to form.
Thanks to a frankly disgusting coalition of US evangelicals, holocaust deniers and other lowlife, same–sex passionate behaviour is already punishable by life imprisonment in Uganda. The proposed bill – backed by certain Anglican figures in the country – takes things further, and would mean a death penalty for anyone whose same-sex partner is aged under 18 or disabled, or imprisonment for three years for anyone in a position of authority who knew of a homosexual act but failed to report it.
LGCM said in a statement:
“A deafening silence comes from the Anglican Church in Britain towards the proposed draconian private members Bill currently before the Ugandan Parliament regarding homosexuality”
“If ever there was a time for the Archbishops to speak out to protect human rights, is this not it?”
“The bill proposes the most condemning punishments towards anyone believed to be involved in homosexual acts, ‘promoting’ them, or agencies who know of anyone who is homosexual.”
“It is with great sadness that we note the Anglican Church in Britain is saying nothing.”
Some days even Anglicans must wonder if their ‘spiritual leaders’ are any more use to humanity than a fart in a colander.

Re-arranging the Titanic’s deckchairs

I’m under strict instructions not to laugh while reading Manx newspapers in case my stitches burst, but most days I can’t help it. Take this week’s Indie and a story (New canons and priests) which, wisely, isn’t deemed fit for the online version. (12/7/09 update - it's there now at http://www.iomtoday.co.im/news/Bishop-appoints-new-canons-and.5444950.jp).
Apparently Sentamu’s Apprentice has appointed three new Manx priests and six honorary canons to the Cathedral. Anglican watchers knew he needed to bring in off-island professionals to balance the conservatism of local hobby vicars. So St. Thomas’s gets a husband and wife team and, next door, St Ninians gets a priest too.
Several funny and interesting things about the appointments. Firstly St. Thomas’s used to be the combined parish of All Saints and St. Thomas’s with (even more confusingly) a priest living in the street behind St. Ninians assisted by a curate who looked after the much smaller but wealthier St. Thomas’s congregation. The All Saints priest was then hospital chaplain to the old Nobles, and as there wasn’t enough for the curate to do he also acted as a general gofer for the bishop. The St. Thomas’s congregation, all very fur coat and no knickers, never liked this practical arrangement and have earbashed the last three bishops to be a ‘stand alone’ parish.
So the new St. Thomas’s guy becomes the ‘official’ priest while his wife is a ‘non-stipendiary priest’ (i.e. unpaid) and, more interestingly, ‘half-time chaplain to Hospice Isle of Man’.
In other words, a parish so small a baby curate could tend it on his day off now has two priests, one to minister to half a dozen folk in a church and be school governor to the primary school next door (which incidentally, even using illegal job advertising, could not find an Anglican head teacher and had to settle for a Broadway bampot) one to charm legacies out of dying Rotarians.
I’m sure the St. Ninian’s guy will be just as busy. Let’s see - he can pop across the road to St Ninian’s School and watch devotees of the Living Hopelessly cult whip up funds to further inconvenience disempowered Africans, and on Sundays stand at the door of his church watching worshippers drive into the fancy car park of the presbyterian church next door.
The honorary canons to the cathedral are even funnier, but equally illuminating. Six canons could outnumber the congregation most weeks, as the core congregation of wealthy, influential conservatives drifted away during the tenure of a previous priest, an amiable old buffer who didn’t hate women enough for their tastes.
The interesting thing is the new canons include Radio Cowshed’s religious correspondent (Catholic, female), the head of the Mothers Union (traditional enemy of the last two misogynists – sorry, bishops), a lady vicar from the South, a Blairite vicar (literally, he was the bass player in Tony Blair’s school band) and a Douglas Methodist.
Tucked away ‘accidentally’ in the last paragraph of the report is another gem. The diocesan warden of readers (i.e. the guy who trains and places clerical hobbyists to help out full time vicars) is moving to Corfu.
For some time, just as the laity members at Anglican Central have struggled with the career clergy to re-establish the homophobia and misogynism of their distant childhoods, lay readers and ‘non stipendiary ministers’ have been doing the same in Manx Anglicanism. For example, they were behind the ‘rationalisation’ which saw vicarages sold as fast as elderly vicars could be retired, especially if occupied by those who championed lady clergy.
In addition, long before the Fellowship of Confessing Anglicans moved to make things official, Forward in Faith (which has a strong island contingent and really should rename itself Backwards in Belligerence) discussed trying to align Anglican hatred of women, gays and most other humanity under the leadership of any sympathetic bishop overseeing a diocese nominally comprised of rich ex-pats scattered throughout the world.
So, the poor old bish may be merely re-arranging deckchairs on a sinking ship, but in doing so is demonstrating he favours a broad church and interdenominational dialogue. We should give him that.