Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Bored again

It’s Parental Guidance Festival time again.
No, seriously, I’m glad I’m not only a heathen but over the hill when I see the desperate efforts of godly dull young ravers to put on Manx music events.
First we have the organisers of Mannifest putting a brave face on another abject failure (see http://www.iomtoday.co.im/news/Mannifest-rocks-the-Nunnery.5559919.jp). Still, even a long, wholewheat lecture with music is better than the original Mannifestation of this snorefest.
It started life as a Christian ‘family values’ weekend organised by Churches Together in Mann. I remember the first one was so bad the highlights included a golf tournament for godbothering dads and a marriage workshop by a local showbiz couple who everyone (but the organisers) knew were going through an ugly breakup at the time.
And tomorrow it gets worse, when local batshits and pent-up cross dullards start their annual bash, Firestarter. See www.firestarter.com and weep.
This year they’ve moved to St. John’s, which is slap bang in the middle of the island. Now, could this be because emergency services in coastal towns are so fed up of dragging ungrateful godbothers out of the sea at midnight?
It was getting to be a habit. Late night prayer meeting, go for a dip to cool off, float away blissfully on your blow-up Jesus doll……and get picked up at 1 AM by an RNLI crew with much better things to do.
To really annoy the long suffering local emergency services volunteers, the dozy batshits had a habit of going on local radio and giving sermons praising their imaginary playmate for looking after them….. but never once a “Thank You” for any of the poor sods who actually got out of bed and put out to sea within minutes.
On the other hand, there are other reasons why they might prefer St. John’s.
Only a stone’s throw from Stepford Central, where they can visit exhibitions of the bland, godly and pointless then buy overpriced tat fit only for colour blind farming families with more public money than taste. Also, the highest concentration of known BNP members in any square mile of the island.
Yup, bigots, fashion-deficient lard-arses and public freeloaders. It will be just like any other Sunday for most of them. For anyone else, St. John's is a no go area until at least next Monday.

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